The Rise and Rise of Porn in Africa 2 - How Porn Rewires You and Lies to You While at It

I want to thank you truly for the overwhelming response to Part One of this series.

But beyond the likes and comments, I want to embrace the brave hearts who reached out quietly, confessing their private wars and desiring a life beyond the claws of porn.

You are not alone. And your courage is the beginning of healing.

Let me take you back.

It was the dawn of internet cafés in Nigeria. I found myself one night at a small spot on Ekololu Street in Surulere my usual place for overnight browsing when I couldn’t afford the luxury of home internet. That was how I studied. How I built. How I dreamt.

Beside me sat a young man with a copy of Good Morning, Holy Spirit resting on his table.
But his screen... his screen told another story.
All night, he was lost clicking through porn sites like a man sedating a wound no one could see.

And I remember thinking:
“How many of us carry truth in our hands, but trapped behind the bars of an addiction that is tough to share with anyone?”

Porn doesn’t just enter your life.
It seduces its way in.

It starts as a friend harmless, curious, even comforting.
Then it becomes a therapist easing your stress.
Next, it becomes a lover demanding loyalty.
And soon, it becomes a master redefining who you are when no one is watching.

Let me quickly explain the lure of sex through the lens of neuro associative conditioning.

Step 1: The Dopamine Reward - The brain tags porn with “pleasure.” A rough day? Lonely night? Click. Watch. Escape. Now dopamine rewards you.

Step 2 : Reinforcement
The more it becomes your ‘go-to’ for comfort or sleep, the stronger the wiring becomes. You now need it to relax. Your nervous system craves the hit.

Step 3: Conditioning
Triggers begin to form: alone time, a stressful meeting, a movie scene, a scent now become automatic cues for the habit. You no longer choose porn; it calls you.

Step 4: Dependency
Real intimacy starts to feel like hard work. Porn becomes easier, safer. The brain now needs stronger content to get the same high. Enter violent, taboo categories.

Step 5: Identity Reshape
You start to feel fake. Your self-worth tanks. You lose drive. Your relationships suffer. You feel ashamed, but you can’t stop. The mirror now reflects someone you barely recognize.

The greatest strength of porn is the lies it sells to you that makes it feel harmless initially and here are some of those myth.

- Porn helps you sleep.
I once had a client who was told porn was better than pills. “It helps me sleep,” he said. Until it didn’t. He needed more and more. He lost his marriage, his business slowed down, and he came to me saying, “I don’t know who I am anymore.”

- It’s better than cheating.
The soul doesn’t know the difference. Cheating on your standards is still cheating. Porn is emotional infidelity and many of us learnt the hard way because it is not a lover that is willing to share you with anyone else.

- Everyone is doing it.
No, not everyone. But the ones who are, often wish they weren’t. Silence isn't the same as acceptance.

- It’s not harming anyone.
Except your focus, your confidence, your relationship, your sleep, your sex drive, your spirit, and your sense of peace.

Here is what should worry everyone reading this (And the Data Doesn’t Lie)
- The average age of first porn exposure? 11 years old.
- Over 70% of boys and 50% of girls have been exposed before high school ends.
- Porn sites receive more traffic than Netflix, Amazon, and Twitter combined.
We're raising a generation that may never know intimacy without imagery.

My Call to You…
My dear reader,
There is no shame in struggling.
But there’s a tragedy in suffering silently when help exists.
I have been hooked myself and understand the prison called porn but i have also walked many out of this cave back into the sunlight of confidence, control, and clarity when i broke free.

Let’s help you start again with dignity and strategy.
We offer a confidential, structured coaching program using the Family Systems Engineering model. You don’t have to stay in the grip of shame.

📩 Send a private message [email protected] or chat us up +234 812 512 0410. You can also join our porn recovery group.

Praise Fowowe

To be continued