Should We Really Spare the Rod and Spoil the Child?

Growing up, many of us were raised on the age-old proverb, "Spare the rod and spoil the child." It was not just a saying; it was a parenting philosophy. Discipline meant obedience. Obedience meant respect. And respect was non-negotiable.

But we’re starting to ask: Is the rod still relevant or are there better ways to raise strong, respectful children?

Let’s be clear. The “rod” in this phrase doesn’t always refer to physical punishment. In many biblical and cultural contexts, the rod symbolized guidance, correction, and authority. But over time, it’s often been interpreted (and applied) as a license to use spanking or physical discipline as a primary parenting tool.

Modern research has shown that while discipline is necessary, harsh punishment can actually harm a child’s emotional development. Children raised in fear may obey in the short term but often at the cost of trust, confidence, and open communication.

On the flip side, children raised with firm but loving boundaries, what experts call “authoritative parenting,” tend to:

• Have better emotional regulation
  

• Be more socially responsible
  

• Feel safe enough to express themselves
  
  

So the question isn’t “Should we discipline our children?” but rather, “How can we discipline with both love and wisdom?”

Our goal isn’t to shame children into behaving, but to teach them how and why to make good decisions even when we’re not watching.

But What About Respect?

In many African homes, respect is non-negotiable and rightly so. But we need to rethink how we teach it. Respect that comes from fear is fragile. Respect that grows from love, trust, and consistent boundaries  lasts a lifetime.

When we listen to our children, explain our expectations, and correct them with empathy, we do not lose respect; rather, we strengthen it.

So should we “spare the rod”?

Maybe what we need is to redefine the rod.

Let it be the rod of wisdom. The rod of consistent parenting. The rod of boundaries set in love not anger.

Because what our children need most is not fear but guidance.

As we parent the next generation, let’s be bold enough to question what we inherited and wise enough to hold on to what works. Discipline is not cancelled. But the method is worth rethinking.