Just Before You Say “I Do”

The wedding is the easy part.

It’s the “I do” that is just the beginning.

When you’ve spent your entire life dreaming of this moment dressing up in white, walking down the aisle, and stepping into a new season. It's easy to get caught up in the excitement. But what no one tells you is that marriage isn’t just the big day, it’s a lifelong commitment, full of growth, partnership, and intention.

So how do you truly prepare for it?

1. Laying the Foundation

Before diving into wedding planning, it’s essential to understand that marriage is not just about finding the right person, it's about becoming the right partner. So ask yourselves:

• Why do we want to get married?
  

• What does “happily married” mean to each of us?
  

• What does a healthy relationship look like for both of us?
  

Start by having a candid discussion with your partner. Talk about what marriage means to each of you. Write down your individual expectations for the marriage and compare them.

2. Knowing Yourself & Your Partner

Understanding yourself before merging your life with another is crucial. You must be aware of your strengths, vulnerabilities, and emotional needs. Ask yourselves:

• How did your childhood shape your view of love and relationships?
  

• What emotional baggage, insecurities, or trauma do I need to address before entering marriage?
  

• What fears do I have about marriage, and how can we face them together?
  

Spend time exploring each other’s upbringings, values, and the emotional tools you each bring to the relationship. It's not just about knowing each other’s likes and dislikes; it’s about understanding each other’s hearts.

3. Purpose, Values & Vision

Marriage is about creating a shared life. To build a strong foundation, it’s important to align on key areas of life:

• What’s your shared vision for the future?
  

• What values do you hold most dear: faith, family, career, community, and others?
  

• What are your long-term goals as a couple?
  

A marriage without a shared vision can lead to two people drifting apart instead of growing together. Create a shared vision board where both of you contribute your personal and collective dreams. This can be a powerful reminder of why you’re building this life together.

4. Communication & Conflict Resolution

One of the biggest challenges in marriage is conflict. It’s not about avoiding disagreements, but how you handle them when they come. Have an open conversation about:

• How do you handle conflict?
  

• What are your red flags in arguments?
  

• What is your conflict resolution style, and how can you improve it together?
  

Practice communication tools like “I feel” statements and active listening. You’ll be better prepared when conflict arises by understanding each other’s communication needs and triggers.

5. Intimacy & Expectations

Marriage isn’t just about love; it’s about intimacy, affection, and a deep emotional connection. 

• What does intimacy mean to each of you?
  

• How do you both feel loved and appreciated?
  

• How do you plan to keep the romantic spark alive once the honeymoon period is over?
  

Acknowledge the physical and emotional needs each of you has and make a commitment to meet them. Understanding each other’s love languages and emotional needs will help deepen your connection.

6. Partnership & Growth

Marriage is a partnership between two individuals, not just to survive, but to thrive. Discuss:

• How will we support each other’s personal growth?
  

• Are we both willing to evolve as individuals, but also as a couple?
  

• What does “teamwork” look like for us?
  

Remember that marriage isn’t about “completing” each other, it’s about building together. You’re partners in a lifelong journey of growth, both as individuals and as a couple.

7. Support & Community

The village doesn’t disappear after you say “I do.” You need a strong support system of family, friends, and mentors to help you weather the storms. Ask yourselves:

• Who are the people we will turn to for advice, accountability, and support in our marriage?
  

• What type of marriage community do we want to be a part of?
  

Surround yourselves with healthy, wise mentors who can offer guidance and a community that values strong, lasting marriages. Consider premarital counseling, marriage groups, or even mentors who will walk with you in this season of life.

8. Red Flags & Non-Negotiables

Before entering marriage, it’s crucial to address any unresolved issues or deal-breakers. These can range from communication styles to future plans. Have the hard conversations now:

• Are there any behaviours or values that you simply cannot accept in a partner?
  

• What are your non-negotiables in this relationship?
  

This is a safe space to be brutally honest. Addressing potential red flags before walking down the aisle gives you both a chance to decide whether you’re truly ready for this lifelong commitment.

Marriage isn’t a fairy tale. It’s a journey that takes both intentional effort and unconditional love. It’s about understanding, compromise, growth, and shared purpose. So, while you’re preparing for the wedding day, remember this:

The work of marriage starts before the wedding—it begins with two people willing to grow, learn, and commit to building something meaningful together.

As you step into this new season, make sure you’re both saying “I do” to more than just a wedding. Say yes to partnership, to purpose, and to enduring love.