Before You Judge the Thorn, Ask About the Wound
Jun 11, 2025We are far too quick with labels these days.
“She’s so rude.”
“He’s arrogant.”
“She didn’t smile at me.”
“He didn’t support me.”
But let me ask you a quiet question today:
Have you ever met someone in their unresourceful state?
Not the version they post online.
Not the vibrant, purpose-driven, life-giving version…
But the version life has just slammed against a cold wall
Maybe after a loss.
Maybe after a betrayal.
Maybe after a sleepless night of holding pieces together for others while they themselves are falling apart.
You see, humans don’t always show up whole.
Sometimes, what you experience is not the person…
It’s the storm they are stuck inside. How many times have you expected perfect behavior from people you respect only to be disappointed because we lost sight of their humanity because the platform has projected an 'invincible hulk' to us.
Your boss just lost a mother,
Your friend is battling an invisible illness,
Your spouse is drowning in silent exhaustion.
Yet we base eternal judgments on one encounter or an unresourceful season of their life.
We tear down thrones over moments.
I am not excusing bad behavior or persistent harm
But I’m asking us to hold space for humanity.
Before you form a final opinion, consider these 4 sacred tips that have helped me relate with people over the years :
- Ask the Story, Not Just the Behavior.
Instead of asking “Why is she like this?”
Ask “What might she be going through?”
People are not born cold. Something happened. Lean into curiosity.
- Separate the Person from the Moment.
What you see may be a reaction, not a reflection.
Sometimes the nicest people bleed on others when they are hurting. It’s not always their norm, it might be now.
- Be Generous With Grace, But Firm With Boundaries.
Grace doesn’t mean you tolerate abuse. It means you give room for process, even while protecting your peace. You can say, “I love you, but I need space until this storm passes.”
- Remember Your Own Dark Days.
There were days you snapped. You avoided. You withdrew.
Someone gave you grace—now it’s your turn to pay it forward.
The world doesn’t need more judges.
It needs more mirrors and more mercy.
Because today’s “mean boss” might just be a grieving father.
Today’s “distant friend” might just be surviving.
Let’s commit to seeing hearts before behavior.
And let’s stop crucifying people based on moments we don’t understand.
