Are You Raising Your Children to Be Domesticated or Disciplined?

We often say we’re raising “well-trained” children, but what does that mean?

Is it about how well they sweep the floor, greet elders, or recite memory verses? Or is it about how they make choices, treat others, and carry themselves when no one is watching?

Let’s be honest. In many African homes, “training” has become a code word for compliance, not character.

For many girls, it means knowing how to cook ten different soups and being quiet in the presence of adults.

For boys, it’s about “toughness” and not crying too much.

But let’s pause and ask, “are we raising our children to be domesticated or truly disciplined?”

Domestication says, “Do as you’re told.”

Discipline says, “Understand why it matters.”

There’s a big difference between raising a child who obeys out of fear and one who chooses right from a place of understanding and respect.

• Domesticated children learn routines.
  

• Disciplined children learn values.
  

One knows how to clean a house while the other knows how to take responsibility.

One performs for approval while the other acts with purpose.

True discipline isn’t about punishment or control. It’s about forming the kind of person who can lead themselves.

We must ask:

• Are we teaching integrity, or just enforcing obedience?
  

• Are we allowing room for questions, or silencing “talk back”?
  

• Are we nurturing their inner compass or just controlling the outcomes?
  

When we raise children who only respond to threats or rewards, we raise adults who either rebel or perform.

Why This Matters Especially for Girls

Many African girls are raised to “serve” before they are taught to lead.

They can fry plantain, but don’t know how to set boundaries.

They know how to kneel to greet, but struggle to speak up for themselves.

Let’s teach them domestic skills, yes, but let’s also teach them confidence, courage, and clarity.

Let them scrub the floor and learn how to speak in public.

Let them cook a meal and be equipped to choose healthy friendships.

What About Our Boys?

Discipline for boys isn’t just about keeping them in line, it’s about helping them become whole men.

They need to know:

• Kindness is strength.
  

• Vulnerability is not weakness.
  

• Respect is earned, not demanded.
  

• And yes, they should know how to cook, clean, and care too.
  

Let’s raise sons who can manage emotions, respect women, and stand up for what’s right, not just boys who fear being shouted at.

So, What’s the Goal?

We don’t need perfect kids; We need purposeful ones.

Not just polite and presentable children but people of depth, discernment, and discipline.

Yes, let them greet you well. Let them keep their rooms tidy. But also:

• Let them speak.
  

• Let them question.
  

• Let them grow into themselves not into a mold.

Training our children isn’t about bending them to our will.  It’s about equipping them to walk wisely in the world, with or without us.

So the next time we say “I’m training my child,” let’s ask “is this discipline or just domestication?”

Let’s raise humans, not robots. Leaders, not just helpers.

Let’s raise children who are strong on the inside, not just polished on the outside.

Because the world doesn’t just need well-behaved children.

It needs whole, wise, and disciplined adults.