The Co-Parent’s Guide to a Stress-Free Holiday Season in Nigeria

For many families, holidays mean fun, rest, and maybe even travel but for co-parents, especially in Nigeria where separation or divorce still carries a lot of unspoken tension, this season can come with its own emotional and logistical chaos.

If you and your co-parent are sharing custody or time with the children this break, well done.

You're doing something that takes a lot of emotional maturity and most importantly, you’re choosing your child’s peace.

Here’s how to keep your children grounded this holiday, even if they’re moving between two different homes.

1. Don't Make It About You

This one is hard.

Maybe you're not on good terms with your co-parent. Maybe you're still nursing emotional wounds.

But when it comes to the children, this season isn’t about you. It’s about them.

Resist the urge to compete for their attention with big gifts, drop comments like ‘Let’s see what your daddy will do now’ or use the children as messengers or emotional support.

They don’t need that pressure. They just need love and stability.

2. Create Some Consistency

Even though your child is in two different environments, you can agree on a few shared routines like similar bedtime, the type of content they watch, screen time limits and meals/snacks they’re used to

These things don’t have to be identical, but familiarity gives children a sense of grounding especially during transitions. If they can predict some things, they feel safer.

3. Talk Them Through the Plan

Children, especially teenagers, can feel unsettled going back and forth. As such, you need to let them know:

- Where they’ll be, and for how long

- Who’s picking or dropping them off

- What to expect

Don’t just spring plans on them.

Give them time to prepare emotionally and mentally.

4. Watch the Guilt Trips

You may miss them. You may even feel like you’ve “lost” them when they go to their other parent but don’t say things like, ‘So you’re leaving me now?’ or ‘I guess you’re happier there.’

This confuses them emotionally.

Let them enjoy both sides without shame.

Even if you’re struggling, find a mature friend or therapist to vent to not your child.

5. Let Them Be Kids

Don’t overburden them with adult emotions or past fights.

They don’t need to pick sides.

They shouldn’t be carrying guilt, feeling responsible, or adjusting their behaviour to make you feel okay.

They just want to be children on holiday - watching cartoons, visiting cousins, eating suya, and laughing about nothing.

Let them enjoy that innocence.

Co-parenting isn’t easy but you’re not alone.

More Nigerian families are figuring it out every day quietly, imperfectly, but intentionally.

You may not be in the same house anymore but your children can still grow up feeling deeply loved, emotionally safe, and surrounded by support.